So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
