My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
