I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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