youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
