FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
