He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
