Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
