I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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