If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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