just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
