Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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