yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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