just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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