Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
