There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
