So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
