the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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