I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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