Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
