Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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