hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
