Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
