Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
