first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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