Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
