corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
