so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
