i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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