I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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