Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
