just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
