I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
