his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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