I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
