Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
