He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
