I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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