Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
