I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
