i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
