When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
