Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
