addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
