i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you made out with another girl for some wings
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
