we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
