I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
