You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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