dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
