6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
