did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
