Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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