do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
